These Phrases from My Parent That Helped Me as a New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to absorb damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - going on a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."